was reading through my past entries.about how much fun we had together.
during the camp and in batam. am really thankful for those times.
life wont be the same again after tt fateful letter in sept
it was full of ups then.
it is full of downs.
maybe u pity me cause u think i am wallowing n self pity.
u might despise me.
but i really dun wanna know the truth.
when i heard tt comment "oh shit"
i know u thought tt tt was just a passing remark.
but it made me cry.
u might not be reading this but i just thought tt u might like to know how i feel when u come here next time
which i know u will.
shld i just let go of everything and run away to aust.
i know it sounds pathetic
but i have half a mind to do so
give up all my dreams of going yo gylc, getting into nat squad, going to some major competition, doing well in debates etc.
looking back..
i have achieved nothing
shld i try harder? wld i be disappointed again?
wld i be even more disappointed than now?
why not just go to aust/london or somewhere far away fr this horrid place to start all over again?
ling and i were talking last night.
she discouraged me to do so.
i did not want to do so too.
but i realised its too hard to stay on.
life is like a string..
everytime u achieve something there will be a knot
every knot tied is a milestone in our lives.
i untied one knot in hope of creating another one which i thought wld be bigger.
alas, i was disappointed. throughly disappointed.
now tt big knot is untied and so is the other.
i am just a simple piece of string now.
without a single knot
i was so stupid to give up debates for sailing
now i have nothing to call my own.
nothing to my name.
i am just a nobody without anything to be proud of or to call my own.
i really just wanna take the wimpy way out.
just get out of this place and start afresh.
shld i do it?
i really dunnoe
i cant bear to let go of the pple here
during the course last yr, i made many many good friends
more than i ever had.
firstly, in sch i made good friends with the clique, got to know ling much better
made friends with everyone in c3
then i sailing, i was blessed with 2 gd friends, katja and val
and made friends with everyone..
russ, nick, david,chun, jun hao, shane, calvin, julius, edwin, ming even jonathan.
i am thankful fot all the support esp fr jean, ling and katja
really i am.
then someone commented tt if i just pack up and go.. i will disappoint everyone
i know everyone is wanting me to pick up the pieces i will try to
as wad densie said we were never in the top 4 anw so there
i need closure.
